Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You have to summon your inner elephant
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
