I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
