WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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