i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
