What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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