There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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