You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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