no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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