All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
