Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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