When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
