Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
