im about as happy as oj after his trial
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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