i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
