My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
