I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
