Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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