dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dick has a subreddit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
