yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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