So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
