Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
