I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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