I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
