love makes seman taste better
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
