Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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