Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize