I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The air taste purple.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
