My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
