your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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