no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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