this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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