Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
