Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize