she looked like the before picture.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
