My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
