if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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