I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
