Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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