This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
