That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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