Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
