Sry I called you an 8
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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