He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sarcasm needs its own font
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
