The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
