'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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