Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
