So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
