Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
