So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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