wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize