I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just blew my weed a kiss
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
