hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
