U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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