Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who died my cat blue again?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
