I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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