Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
