I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
