He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
