Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
