There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
