you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
