accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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