How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
