I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
