my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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