found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
