I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
