i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
