I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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