She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
