You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
