: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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