Umm I'm too high to move.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize