I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
