tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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