I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
