I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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