My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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