Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
