You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hippo gnu deer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
