I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My liver just had a heart attack.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
