My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
