I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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