he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
