our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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