I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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