God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
