Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
