That's intense
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize