Sponge bath it is.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
