in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
