My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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