Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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