i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize