First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
