Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
