it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
