Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
