she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
